As I’m sure you know, you can’t just snap your fingers and get a Lap Band. There is a long and lengthy process, especially if you want your insurance to pay for it. I happen to have an HMO so my Lap Band will cost me all of TEN BUCKS if I can qualify for it. The good news is this isn’t a shot in the dark for me, looking at my health and weight history and my age I actually make for a really good candidate. After talking to my Primary Care Physician and running a few blood tests, she agreed that I was a good candidate and that I could start Phase 1 which is documentation of your weight with a registered Dietitian in your group. This needs to happen for 6 consecutive months before you can see the surgeon.
Today was my 4th appointment with the dietitian. It isn’t as much of a joke as I thought it would be but it really is more about paperwork than anything else. First the dietitian weighs me which is my favorite part of the appointment. If you just threw up in your mouth hear me out! If you are like me, you probably can’t remember the last time you stepped on a scale and cringed, especially in front of another live human adult. The difference here is that whatever I weigh it’s okay. It’s okay because I am HERE. It’s okay because being the weight that I am is going to help me get what I need and that’s a ten dollar Lap Band. In fact, I get weighed with my head held high because I finally have the balls to do something life changing for myself and my family. I am so proud of myself I even leave my flip-flops on.
When we sit down, the dietitian gives me all kinds of diet and exercise suggestions (every one of which anyone with half a brain would know anyways). At first I imagined that she would be tall, blonde, and skinny as hell but I got one of those qualities wrong. The dietitian is indeed tall and blonde, but she’s older than my parents and could stand to lose a few herself. It’s okay though, because it makes it comfortable to talk to her and be real with her about my struggles. Things we talk about are ways to increase exercise, decrease food intake, increase good beverages and decrease caffeine. After our chitchat which lasts about a half hour, she does the write up of our progress, and this is the MOST important part of this meeting because it will show the HMO that I am not able to do this on my own. It will tell them I truly need the LB. Because, I do.
I want to be able to share my journey with my friends and family because I know for a fact I am not alone in this. So c’mon….band with me.