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Tuesday, July 17

Roll the Dice...


Next Sunday my husband and I are getting away for our 10-year-wedding anniversary in Las Vegas. This is the place where we spent our Honeymoon so it was an easy choice for us.

This trip is bittersweet for me. I am still just as much in puppy love with my honey as I was when we were dating. When I look at him I see a college-age boyfriend telling jokes and eating ramen noodles out of a cup-of-soup mug. We were married very young, just two new college graduates, and I remember dieting strenuously for this big event in my life. After all, on your wedding day, everyone from your past, present, and future is there waiting for you to come into the church in your white dress. That is one of the biggest moments of a wedding, isn’t it? It’s all about the bride in her dress.

I dieted, and dieted, and ran on the treadmill religiously for one whole year.  By the days before the wedding I was just eating one small meal a day with a few snacks here and there. These were the days before low-carb was popular, so I enjoyed eating white toast with butter most of the day and drinking diet pepsi.  Didn’t take much in those days for a 24-year-old to loose a few, but in my mind I was an Orca Whale (HA! Boy was I wrong!!) By the big day I had reached my goal weight of 160 lbs. and for my body at the time, I felt fantastic.

I remember packing all sorts of fun clothes to take to Las Vegas, including mini-skirts, one shoulder tops, and strapless dresses. Too embarrassed to wear a bikini in front of my family and friends, I bravely packed a turquoise one with palm trees on it for my new hubby.

Since then, unfortunately I have been yo-yoing the whole damn time. Each time I actually had major progress I have gained it back with interest. I also had two enormous pregnancies, and two c-sections which left my abdominal area with no goddamned chance. When I look at my wedding picture I see a beautiful young girl with the whole world in front of her. When I see myself now, I see someone who is trapped in her body.

The good news is that my husband is still as gorgeous as he was on our wedding day, if not more.

I have been with my man a long damn time by today’s standards and I am only 34-years-old. This time I have spent with him has gone by so fast that it seems I blinked my eyes and now I am here. Inside I am the same, but outside I am not me. The “inside me” wants to jump on a heart-shaped bed in Las Vegas wearing high heels and a smile to match. Realistically, the outside me is going to sit by the pool in an extra-concealing swimsuit and enormous sunglasses and watch the world go by.

Let’s roll the dice…

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