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Sunday, August 12

50 Shades of......Me


Recently I read the new cult favorite “50 Shades of Grey.” The book certainly didn’t disappoint in the areas where expected, and the characters were written with just the right amount of depth to keep you hooked in their stories. Mr. Grey, the dominant, complex, sexy as hell main character goes through a metamorphosis from the first to last page. His upbringing, which is abusive and negligent, has created a control-freak side to his personality that is brought to the light by him meeting the love of his life. Through Christian and Ana’s trials and tribulations (and some damn hot sex) he is able to move forward toward a healthier lifestyle.

Many things bring me great joy, and reading a trendy piece of guilty-pleasure fiction is high on the list. But also, as an avid reader in general with a background in Language Arts, I can’t help but find parallels in whatever I read, trashy romance or not.

What this book made me think about was my own journey toward my own healthier lifestyle. Like Christian Grey, we all come from somewhere, and we all want to go someplace else. Many times it’s just as important to identify the starting point as it is to identify the goal. For Grey it was a crack whore mother who he watched die that made him into the dark man he would become. For others of us, it may not be as serious, but still just as formative.  We still have to look at where we came from if we want the clear route to where we are going. Just like when using mapquest.com, it’s impossible to get driving directions without a starting destination.

I look at my own journey, which is still in its very young stages, and I still wonder at times how I got here. How did I become someone with such an unhealthy relationship with food?? I don’t think I’m an “emotional eater.” I think I am an “entitlement eater.” That is a term I came up with myself to try and find some understanding of things. I know that once I finally get my lap band it will only be a tool, it won’t change who I was, or who I am, and it won’t solve the problem behind why I overeat.

I eat because food is there. Because I feel like I deserve it because I bought it. I eat because I feel like I should be able to indulge in huge ice coffees with cream and sugar like “everyone else.” Because I have the means to buy my kids McDonald’s when they want it and should be able to have it too with them. I eat because it gives me good memories of friends and family. Because it’s a hobby my husband and I share together.

I know I have a long way to go, but I think I’m finally finding the right track. After all, if Mr. Grey can turn his shit around, then so can I….right? And hopefully, the benefits for me will be just as “delicious” as the benefits for him and Ana if not more so…