Super Inspired Writer

My photo
Look SUPER. Feel SUPER. Choose SUPER. Be SUPER.

Wednesday, September 26

October Suprise!


WHOO HOO!

I just got a call from my Bariatric office to say they have a pre-surgery appointment available to me next Tuesday on 10/2/12 instead of waiting until the 23rd!

The sooner I get there the sooner I can get this thing going….never thought I would be so excited for a doctor’s appointment all about my weight gain.

LOL!!

That is all.

Monday, September 24

IN LIMBO


I want to write a blog post, but really, since I am just sitting here WAITING for my surgeon’s appointment, I’m not sure what really to say. Instead I figured I would post some random thoughts that wouldn’t be a real blog post on their own…

1.       I find myself eating things because I CAN. I’m not an emotional eater by any means, but I find myself neither hungry nor full and yet stopping for a Nachos Bell Grande just because I have five bucks in my pocket and well….I better eat it now…I know this is a very shitty reason to be eating junk food but for some reason it’s reason enough. Afterwards I too feel shitty and am always reaffirmed that I need help and hopefully being banded will help with some of the poor choices I am making.

 

2.       So far I have three people that have expressed to me that they think me having weight loss surgery is a bad idea. None of the three is in any way shape or form going to sway my decision, but I find it interesting how people can have an opinion about something that does not affect them. If you know someone who has a hard time seeing and it is affecting their life, and they have tried correction with glasses and contacts for many, many years….would you try and talk them out of getting Lasik?? I’m guessing no. The same goes for someone getting a Lap Band like myself. Yes, it is FOR SURE the same.

 

3.       Thank God for pinterest.com because I am seeing more and more fall soup recipes. I look forward to some of these recipes because during the time when I am on liquid and mushies I hope to ADAPT some of these recipes to my diet. The thought of drinking protein shakes all day makes me want to gag, but if I actually get to cook something that I can have it may feel more like food. I also received a tip that Sam’s Club sells a ginorm bucket of protein powder which I can add to some of my homemade foods.

 

4.       In regards to number 3, I have realized that I need a Magic Bullet (the one for smoothies, not the one from Lover’s Lane). I think it will be easier to stay on track if I can just throw some things in, blend it up, and drink versus taking out my big blender every day. I also realized that I need one of those hand held soup puree devices that you just stick in the pot to blend up your ingredients.

 

5.       Originally I wanted to have surgery over Christmas break since I have two weeks off….now I am thinking that is CRAZY and I need to have surgery when the kids are IN SCHOOL. I have more than enough sick days and I can get the week off with a doctor’s note which I am not worried about. Because both kids are in school from 9-3:30, I can take it easy while I am recovering.

 

6.       I cleaned out my closet this weekend and moved sizes 14 and 16 into nice fabric under-bed storage bags. Keeping four sizes in my closet pretending that it all fit was actually stressing me out instead of keeping me inspired. I figure, I’ll keep the just-too-tight 18s in my closet along with the 20s and as I lose weight I can dig out the clothes that I put away and they will feel new. I really need some new things for this school year but I REFUSE to spend any more money on the size I wear right now.

 

And that’s about it for today I think. Nothing left to do but WAIT. By the time I see the surgeon at the end of October it will be almost 8 months since I started this mission. I’m very interested to see how long things take from there.

As always, I’ll keep you posted!

Friday, September 14

Is it EVER a good time??


As the joke goes, Monday is the only day of the week you can start a diet. If you try to start one on Monday and you fail, OH WELL your sorry ass has to wait another week.

We all know it’s not true, and yet it’s the excuse for MANY of us that are serial dieters.

I really saw the irony of this when I shared with a few fellow teachers that I finally had an appointment set with the surgeon for October 23. They thought I meant for my actual surgery, and one commented, “Right before Halloween? That SUCKS!?” I reassured her that it was just a pre-op appointment, but it got me thinking…..whenever my surgery really does get scheduled it’s go time, and if it falls during a shitty time of year to be on a liquid diet then OH WELL.

When would a “good time” be? It’s a non-existent state of being of course.  Because,  if not Halloween, then…

Thanksgiving? The Holiday whose sole purpose is to gorge yourself and pretend that it’s in the spirit of being thankful?

Christmas? Where every damn day is either a Holiday party, lunch and shopping, cocktail hour, or fried fish feast?

Valentines? The ONLY acceptable day of the year where you can stuff your face with a whole box of heart shaped chocolates?

My Birthday? But my kids make me a cake!

Easter?  Lamb, and candy, and egg salad…oh my!

Summer? (Which yes, this is a HOLIDAY all of its own, especially if you are a teacher.) BBQ food is so much healthier for you, and beer is patriotic!

…which brings us back to Fall, one of my favorite seasons. Fall means that it’s time to exhale, that the earth needs rest from growth. So no, the moral of my story kids is that there is no such thing as the perfect time of year to have weight loss surgery.  I know the two week before and after liquid diet is going to SUCK. I know I will have many moments of temporary insanity. I know I’m going to wonder if I’m doing the right thing.

Then I will look in the mirror, I will hug my children, I will dance with my husband, and I will know. The right time is NOW.

Tuesday, September 11

Phase 2!!!


Phase 1 complete!

Yesterday was my last appointment with the dietitian which means I have finished Phase 1 of having Lap Band surgery. I am officially documented and ready to go! I remember back at Easter time thinking that it was going to take forever to get to this point and yet, here I am signed, sealed, and delivered to the Bariatric Treatment Center. From the jump, it always seems that time is going to take forever; from the splash you realize that it seemed like no time at all. This was one of the “Aha” moments that I had to start this journey. I know that I am going to wake up one day,  be in my forties, and wish that I had taken care of this shit in my mid-thirties. Wish no more future me…I’m doing it!

I have also started telling more and more people. It just seems to come up. I have never been an overly private person and I know that the more people around me that know the truth the more accountable I will be overall. I have found that I am getting three main reactions from my family and friends:

1.       You are so LUCKY!! I ENVY you!   (Half of my overweight friends)

2.       Wow. I could never give up gorging on Brazilian Buffet just to be thin. (The other half of my overweight friends)

3.       Oh. Okay. (Non-overweight family and friends)

The good news is no one has said that I’m crazy, ruining my life, or making a terrible decision. I mean, I have made this commitment come hell or high water so there is no way I’m backing down now, but no one needs to hear negative things when they are making a life-changing decision.

I now have the referral to see the surgeon and I CAN’T WAIT. I have talked to others that have used him as well as Googled him and have gotten a lot of positive feedback. I’m just so happy to finally be entering Phase 2!! Bring on the sleep study! Bring on the psych evaluation!! BRING ON THE LAP BAND!!!

Sunday, September 2

Don't Judge!!


I am guilty as charged. I judge people, and I know I’m not alone.  But here is my secret if you must know, and that is that I don’t just judge anyone, but mostly overweight people. Yes, my own kind.

I am not someone who can say I have always been overweight. Extra curvy? (or thicke as my husband used to like to say).... yes. But I have not maintained an overweight status for the past two decades but rather yo-yo dieted up and down. I have been a registered member of the popular diet center Weight Watchers over twenty times since I was 13 years old and most of those times I was successful, until I quit to “do it on my own” and gained it all back and then some. I feel like I have enough information stowed in my head to be a goddamned diet and exercise expert, if only I could follow my own advice!

Right now I have been back at my top weight for three years (rebound gain after a two year struggle to take it all off, over 80 pounds worth!) and I am miserable. We all know that misery loves company, and I seem to have a weird magnetism to other overweight people. Though, I can honestly say that it’s not my friends that I am judging (seriously) because I can TALK to them about how they feel. It’s those I see across a room that I am thinking about. I am looking at the woman whose bottom is too big for her dining chair and I am thinking:

How did she get so big?

Does she realize how big she is?

Does she work?

Does she hate being fat, or does she not care?

Has she ever even tried to diet?

Does she wish things were different?

 

I hate that I do this, but I know on a subconscious level that it’s because I am still answering those questions for myself. I feel like people are staring at me the same way.

 

As for an update on my Lap Band journey, I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting my first meeting with the surgeon. Because I am using insurance benefits, I have to wait until my 6 months of dietary monitoring is over and that will be on SEPTEMBER 10! It’s crazy that I made this decision on Easter weekend and I am still waiting to get things going, but I knew this was part of the game, and I’m still in the race.