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Saturday, February 9

Dies Irae


Tuesday is Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday. This day is a professional eater’s ultimate holiday, the only day of the year it is not only acceptable to gorge yourself but also almost sacrilege not to. We owe it to the Highest to stuff our faces with everything from Paczi pastries to jambalaya, all while wearing plastic beads around our necks (while still wearing our shirts, or not). As a “buffet-table-Catholic”, I take what I want from my religion and leave the rest behind. Some people disagree with this but to them I say judge not lest ye be judged. Jesus and I have an understanding. It’s cool. And my husband is Methodist so his undertaking of the permanent birth-control saved my soul, such a good guy that he is. (If you know me, you know the sarcasm is clogging my throat)

That being said, my family and I do practice Lent. I think it’s important for adults, and children especially, to willingly sacrifice something once a year just to keep themselves grounded. In a time where we live such gluttonous lifestyles, it’s good to remember what it means to not be able to have something. Many of us remember being children that were often told they could not have something, just to grow up as parents that now have the resources to stop at McD’s every day if we want to. Our kids don’t know what it is to be without, and be okay. My son is making his communion this year so it will be the first year that he practices (by force of course) Lent with me. We are giving up pop……I, obviously, am giving it up indefinitely. And aspirins.

I have tears in my eyes as I say goodbye to my two favorite vices. I write this eulogy to Diet Pepsi and Excedrin, my friends whom have always been there for me through thick and thin. They have helped me through some really difficult times, and likewise some celebrations.  In the middle of the night, when I have one of those dreams, my aspirins comfort me in the darkness.  When the day looks like I should have stayed hidden under my Snuggie, a silver can of love is enough to get me through the day. And when I am hung over from a night of booze and my babe, my two special friends help me hold it together.
You will be forever in my heart, and forever missed. But I am a strong woman, and just like Jackie Kennedy I shall stand tall as I mourn.

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