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Friday, February 8

System Overload


My mind is racing and I’m having a hard time stopping to listen to my thoughts and saying what I want to say exactly how I want to say it. I can’t believe after nearly a year that it is now right around the corner. My thoughts are like spaghetti, interweaving, intertwining, rapid fire in my brain. I am a person of checklists and syllabi, and step-by-step directions.  I find myself constantly digging through my three inch binder of information for something I may have missed which will throw a glitch in the order. But it’s all still there, the prep work done and the approval sent, and I’m all authorized and official and no matter how many times I blink, it still says the same thing, surgery March 4.

I have my appointment with the nutritionist on Monday and have been asked to pay $125 which will buy me two shakes and one protein bar per day for two weeks.  The third meal every day will be a “grocery meal” that I can cook and eat, only to contain protein and vegetables. I see a LOT  of egg-white omelets in my future. Even so I can’t wait for this to start because it will be something tangible and will mean it is really HAPPENING!

I have scheduled a photo-shoot with my husband to take place before this two week pre-op since that is when I will officially start losing weight. I had ordered a tank top online and have black capris, and I found a set of those baby onesie stickers that have the months written on them like new-age modern Pinterest  parents use for the baby’s monthly milestone pictures. Like a newborn myself, I can document how I change. I don’t know that I’ll have the courage to show that before picture to anyone, but it will be for me, to remind me where I came from, and remind me where I need to go. And who knows, if I had the courage to do this whole process, maybe I have the courage to do anything. When I lose my weight I just might share my before and after pics on my online forum www.lapbandtalk.com so that I can be inspiring to someone else.

For now, I will check and double check my binder, I will pack and re-pack my hospital bag, I will purge and restock the pantry, and I will try and remember to breathe.

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