Super Inspired Writer

My photo

Wednesday, February 13

The "Last Supper"

So….coincidentally, the start of Lent and my last week of food binging fall on top of each other…I see your irony God, I got you.

Me and my son gave up pop for lent so that actually starts today. I may or may not indulge in one last LARGE DIET COKE from McD’s… version of heroin…on Sunday night, and in some lenient sects of Catholicism (the made up Lent rules mostly by lazo’s) Sunday is a day off of your fasting. Oh, and a Big Mac! So Hubs, when you read this it’s prob not wise to be in your jammies before 10 o’clock on Sunday night.  Like a nine month pregnant woman, this Mama’s gonna have a craving and you are running an errand!

If you have ever started a new diet or fitness plan, you are probably accustomed to the concept of the “Last Supper”.  The famous “Last Supper” of course was Jesus’ big banquet before shit went downhill for him, and dieters use this term to describe their final episodes of poor eating before a big diet is about to start. As a serial Weight Watchers member, I have had several Last Suppers in my life. In fact, this gorging led to a high starting weight which meant your fist weigh in was going to be epic.  Sadly, and we all know how the song goes, eventually you miss your poor habits and go back to your old ways and that last supper meal becomes a part of your regular life once again.

I am hoping I am TELLING MYSELF that I cannot go back to my old ways this time. It will not be an option because I am having goddamned surgery in two weeks and don’t want to end up back in the hospital with a slipped band.  I am not going to go through all of this and make a surgical commitment for nothing. Plus, I don’t think it will ever be physically possible again for me to swing by fast food establishments and gulp down an extra value meal like nobody’s business without it coming back up to say hi. A few of my friends have asked what types of foods I will be able to eat after surgery and the short answer is that there is no rule as far as what will be a hard limit for me (I’m giggling at you because I just used a 50SOG term.) I know a few Bandsters on my forums and in my support groups that can take small sips of pop, or small bites of bread, and others who have a hard time getting those items down but can eat dry ass chicken.  Also, those same new buddies of mine share that at different times of day different things go down easier than others. Sometimes, a warm coffee or tea is needed to get the band ready to rock.

At any rate, I am choosing to have several “Last Supper” meals this week (because one just aint gonna do it this time). The folks at McDonald’s are going to make a frickin’ fortune this week off of me and then next week will be investigating my death. Next week is the two week countdown and I start my special pre-op diet and for surgery to be as successful as possible I really don’t have much room for error. My before weight will be taken on Monday 2/18 (which I will NOT share so don’t even bother) and the weight loss will begin. I will then fire up the Magic Bullet and the Protien shake festival will commence.

This joke is only funny on Ash Wednesday, or maybe not at all in good taste but that’s the way I roll, but I guess getting my band will be like Good Friday (death to my current life) and getting to my goal weight will be like Easter? SHE IS RISEN!!

No comments:

Post a Comment