Super Inspired Writer

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Monday, July 29

The Great Outdoors

Camping: 1
Weight-Loss: 0

Well, make that +5 because that’s what I came home with, no ticks thank God, but 5 gross pounds of bloat once again. This is becoming a travel and vacation conspiracy.

When I woke up Friday morning I felt fabulous because I was 5 lbs down and now it’s Monday and I’m five pounds up. Looks like shakes again for a day. Is this becoming my new “norm”? Diet really amazing, go somewhere fun, gain weight back, restart on shakes? My body responds so well to the low carb-salt-sugar-liquor diet that I follow but when I actually go somewhere and let loose a little bit I blow up like the hot air balloon that left Dorothy behind.
Is that a Lap-Band Diet picnic basket?!?

Once again, I remind myself that had I NOT been banded I would have ate MUCH MUCH more. If I had not lost the 5 pounds before the trip I would have been net +10. Instead of one brat on a light bun I would have eaten two brats on buns and washed it all down with a few bottled margaritas. So… okay, eating less is better than not eating less, which is a positive. And yes, I for sure could have packed crunchy raw fruits and vegetables instead of sitting with a bag of buffalo flavored pretzel crisps, but I didn’t do that. I could have brought veggie burgers or chicken to grill but I didn’t do that either. I could have not shared a large fry from McD’s with my husband on the way home but I didn’t do that either. What I’m gathering here is that I’m no good at spontaneous eating, or travel eating. Lesson learned.

But traveling is good for the soul, and although it was cold (which my husband would argue, like that babe?) the fresh air and fire felt amazing and I gave my kids the fun memory of tent sleeping under the stars and s’more eating. Sometimes it’s Mom first and Me second and that gain is worth a small weight gain.

Next weekend is my big 11-year anniversary date with my husband, and my 5-month bandiversary with Lola.  So, I have five days to loose back 5 pounds. I think this is attainable because they aren’t “real” five pounds of muscle and fat I’m wagering, but rather are bloat pounds that should come right back off with some healthy eating for a few days. I think I got this.

Friday, July 26

What lies beneath...

After losing a certain number of pounds your clothes start to feel very different. Not only smaller, which is the obvious, but things fit differently in different places. As I shared with you in a much earlier post, I am a clothes hoarder, and I do have a lot of clothes. I save my nice stuff mostly, or my favorite pieces, or things that give me great memories, and even if they don’t fit and I store them by size under my king size. I have sweaters and tops, dresses, bathing suits, intimate wear (don’t judge), and jeans, jeans, jeans. Today I woke up feeling especially good and decided to dig around for a few things. Taking the bin out I had to clean off the dustbunnies before opening the zipper. I found a few things that I can start wearing (excitement!) and a few things I still have to work toward (motivation!) but I didn’t stop there. Since I was on a roll with my new discoveries, I went into my closet and started digging there as well for some old treasures.

Item #1 was a black maxi dress with a beaded belt and a scarf print skirt.  Fit perfect but needed the straps tightened wich is no biggie in my family of old Italian woman who sew as a hobby. TAG STILL ON: $14.99!!

Item #2 was a red polka-dotted dress in a shiffonish material which although it zipped it will really look good in a month when I need it. TAG STILL ON: $7.00!!

The only thing better than a department store clearance sale, is a DISCOUNT department store clearance sale and the moral of my story is to buy something you like (if it’s too cheap to resist) even if it doesn’t fit and it just might surprise you some day. I’m not going to endorse any products here….but isn’t there a commercial that states, “What will you gain, when you loose?”

But then there are shoes =(

I started my adult life wearing a size 9 which became a 10 with two pregnancies and weight gain, and also an addiction to comfort shoes. I do have quite the assortment of dress shoes in tubs, all of which I secretly hate. Just as I have uncovered these goldmine dresses, I also uncover the truth that I have no shoes I like to wear with them. But I don’t know how to wear dress shoes and I certainly do not have a liking to heels. I’m 35 years old and lost over 50 pounds, can I do this?

I went to a few shoe stores and hobbled around in some heels. They either were too narrow, too long, or comfortable but too matronly looking. I find a pair that I think I like but I’m just not sure. Am I not sure about the shoes or am I not sure about myself?? I didn’t know so I go home alone, defeated.

The quest will continue, the perfect ensemble is out there, I just know it.

Tuesday, July 23

Cheeseburger in Paradise

Last night I went to my support group meeting. It’s not at all like AA where you would have to stand up and say, “Hi…I’m ______, and I’m fat.” We just sit around a table and talk about band things, like what foods to eat, recipes, and troubleshooting our equipment. The meetings are mixed up of people who have bands already, and those that are pre-band since one of the requirements for surgery is to attend a support group meeting.  It’s interesting to now be one of the people on the other side of things. I am now someone who can answer questions, or help reduce the fear of having the procedure. Just like them I was scared shitless and yet also still believed with all my heart that it was the way to go. It’s kinda like the bar Cheers, just no liquor.

Today I saw my surgeon and it has been 7 weeks. Last time I was there if you recall I was on the fence as to if I needed a fill or not and actually talked myself out of it and left empty handed.  I still managed to read 5 pounds lighter on their biggest looser scale (which only reads in kilograms by the way then they convert it for you since who the frick knows what they weight in kilos), and they were more than happy with my progress, but I also assured them that I had gained and lost that same five pounds about three times in the past 7 weeks and the only reason I was reading low is because I have been dieting. When the nutritionist asked me about what I have been eating I was honest and said that I have been really good and on plan for the past week but that while I was on vacation I drank a ton of liquor and was able to eat a ton of food. Also, I casually mentioned that I was able to eat a whole Portillo’s cheeseburger with the bun with no ill effects. I left out the fact that I noshed half a large fries dipped in cheese with that burger but they got the point. The surgeon came in almost laughing out loud and said, “Wow, a Portillo’s cheeseburger?!” and I think secretly his mouth was watering thinking about it.

So yes, I got my second fill today, a second shot of 1cc (or 1ml), which now makes 2cc in my 10cc capacity band. Luckily I remembered to wear shorts and a t-shirt instead of the sun dresses I have been wearing because I just layed on the table and lifted my shirt. We made small talk while he first shot me with anesthetic and then took the four-inch hollow needle full of saline and shot me in the port with it. We talked about camping, the new tent he bought (which he showed me on his iPhone), his son going away to college in the fall, and then he tells me a story about a patient of his that was schizophrenic with colon cancer that he treated. Said the guy looked like Robert Redford and all the nurses flirted with him. The guy wrote him a haiku and that’s why you should never judge a book by its cover.

The nurse gave me a Dixie cup full of water to make sure I could swallow and I was on my way. Liquids the rest of the day, mushy the next, regular diet to follow, next appointment in 7 weeks. I have some major events, celebrations, and parties every weekend until school starts but I am now armed and ready!

Thursday, July 18


Ten Things Thursday          

1.     Have I ever told you how much I love summer??
2.     I signed up for my first 5K!! It’s the Hot Chocolate Walk Chicago on November 3 and I’m super excited. What’s more is I have family and friends who will be joining me and I know we will get a lot of good memories on that day. I Googled it and it’s only 3.1 miles which is fine because I am used to walking 2 miles at night anyways.
3.     It is hotter than a mother outside and I love it even though my body does not. I am retaining more water than the neighborhood pond. It also makes my band tight which I guess is a good thing, but not tight enough to keep out Doritos =( I swear if they would only have discontinued frickin’ original nacho cheese Doritos instead of goddamned Twinkies I would have lost 10 more pounds by now!
4.     At the mid-point of summer we have 5 more weeks and it’s back to school. I have a ton of shit in my garage to organize. I also have to locate the lost school supply list for my kids and start hunting sales on gluesticks.
5.     My weight loss has officially plateaued. I am still eating a lot less than usual but I think my body is starting to get used to the calorie amount. Tuesday I go to the surgeon to get tightened up and I can’t wait. My psyche is NOT talking me out of it this time.
6.     Tomorrow I a going to see New Kids On The Block with my husband! I got him to go because Boys II Men will be there. Oh, and 98 degrees. It’s a regular boy-band convention. This will be my third time seeing NKOTB and I have been practicing all the songs in the shower this week just for the occasion.
7.     [Husband] also wants to eat at the new Toby Keith restaurant. I am not going to stress out about this even though I know the menu will be “do you want dinner with your cheese and bacon?”  I am trying to find my happy place between it’s OKAY to have a few weeks where you don’t loose weight and OMG you are fat as fuck what are you doing! It’s so much a mental game. I need a drink.
8.     I went back to my old Starbucks Pike Place K-cups.  The only reason I was using DD is because it was on my lunch break. What the hell was I thinking??
9.     I think if I invest in some cute cardigans, all the maxi dresses I bought this summer will totally work for school in the fall along with some new flat shoes. I think these dresses will be better than buying all new pants just to **hopefully** need even more new pants second semester.
10. I love summer. 

Tuesday, July 16


I love Superman.

I fell in love with the man at 15 years old as a Freshman in High School, watching the latest ABC show “Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman” on my family TV on Sunday nights. He was absolutely gorgeous, sexy hair, hot-ass muscular, thick body and shoulders, and even at that young age I knew that the bulge under the spandex costume could only lead to good things…he was a dream come true and it was then I vowed I would find me a man like that. What’s more is that he was brilliant, the second thing on my criteria list.  The confusion here for you may be if I am talking about the character of Superman, or if I am talking about the actor, Dean Cain who was my first true love, and to be honest I’m not sure myself. As a young girl I imagined being swept off my feet like Lois Lane by someone who not only is creative and smart by day and rocks a well-tailored suit, but also is strong and powerful by night rescuing me from my worst nightmares. The attractive-academic-athletic man of steel became my “type”.
My "first" Boyfriend 

So no, for me the extreme fascination is not about the movie hype or the comic book craze, but rather the idea that manifested in my youth and became the image of my perfect man. Each week he would be sensitive and sweet, jokey and devoted, and then **bam** just like that he would transform into an x-ray visioned flying God of a man and save the world. I started following the actor Dean Cain in magazines since there was no internet yet (the HORROR!! And YES, I am that old!). I was able to collect over 100 pictures and articles on him. His birthday is in July. He was a Princeton Grad (see academic above) and was a former Buffalo Bills Football Player (see athletic above) and was HOT. In college I slept with a life-sized poster over my loft bed which was so close to the ceiling I could reach my hands up and touch it. Every night I blew him a kiss and drifted off to dreamland. ((The irony is not lost on me that Dean Cain went on to star in the Lifetime movie “A Perfect Husband”…who killed his wife but anyways…)) And at 20-years-old, I found him. No, not Dean Cain, but a real Superman. Glasses and all! With BOTH a competitive IQ and rock hard biceps from playing football.

And maybe I’m not far from being a Lois Lane myself. First off I’m brunette and I did have the pageboy bob haircut for many years. I’m nosy and a go-getter, and most importantly I’m a reporter. Okay, so not really, but I am writing a blog and that’s kind of like reporting the news, right? My news?

So maybe that’s my superpower then…writing? Or maybe I don’t have a superpower at all, maybe I’m more of the strong-willed arm-candy woman who only accompanies the Superhero? I think either is fine by me. It shouldn’t  matter how you fly…it is equally wonderful to be the one who flies and to be the one who flies by being held on to.

So fly on.