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Thursday, July 4

Independence Day

First of all...

...and secondly, I haven’t been entirely honest with you…..or myself.
You see, when I weigh myself twice each day, once at bedtime (and mentally subtract the 2 pounds I lose while sleeping) then in the morning (and check to be sure the 2 lbs are gone) I am documenting. What I have gotten in the bad habit of doing is changing my weight on myfitnesspal.com app the second I see a lower number, even though as most of us do, I fluctuate various times during the week. Typically, even if the number changes a little bit, it’s where it is supposed to be by the time I document my monthly progress or go to doctor’s appointments. I also have come up with some “tricks” that help me weigh a little less in the morning but I am only at liberty to share some of those publically. None the less, a week ago I had imputed my weight and had made it to 55 lb. loss but that number was there and gone in a blink of an eye and therefore I then was at odds with myself about changing it back. Maybe it was a mirage? Wishful thinking? A dirty trick by the scale?
Because today is my official 4 month Bandeversary, I have to take todays weight and use it for my before and after pics log. I have a binder in my bedroom where my husband takes my pics in the same outfit each month in the same spot in the room and I can see my progress. It is also at these monthly photo shoots that I take my measurements of Bust, Waist, Hip, Thigh, and Arm. Then, into the binder all the numbers and pictures go until the next month. So here you see was my struggle, so very stupid in the scheme of things….do I change my weight back up two pounds on myfitnesspal or do I just leave it as motivation to get back down? Does it really make a lick of difference if my progress ticker says 55 or 53 lbs. lost? Who really cares?
But I care, and I promised myself to take each week by stride and be thankful for any and all accomplishments. So I did in fact change it back and so in month four I lost 4 pounds. 4 measly, could have gone pee one more time, pounds. But as those of us who are notorious for pros and cons lists go, here is what didn’t happen this month…
I did not gain 4 pounds.
I did not maintain last months weight.
I did find a tossed aside pair of jean shorts in the fitting room of Target in a size smaller than I wear and they fit…comfortably.
So on this Independence Day, I am celebrating small victories. The slowing down of the weight loss means it’s time for another fill, I know that. I am also going on vacation next week and don’t want to be gagging on too big a bite while trying to relax on the sand. The fill can and will wait until I get back, and then I will be home on my own turf to deal with it.
No matter how many times I tell myself that I am WELL ahead of the weight loss game and that I am only SUPPOSED to lose 1 lb a week (which is 4 lbs a month…hmmmm…coincidence?) my ego gets confused and tells me coulda, woulda, shoulda. We all do that and we need to stop thinking that way. Shame on us. We are fabulous.

My goal for next month is 7 (which will make 60) which I think is reasonable. Maybe. We’ll see what vacation brings…

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