It’s been a long few weeks. I’m so tired of being a slave to the scale I want to throw the damn thing out the window, but I’m too addicted to avoid it. It’s true and it’s a real addiction and I hate it. Why not hide it, you ask? Because part of me is very afraid that if I don’t have it for daily checks and balances that I will find myself having gained a ton weight and I will be mortified. I know I am not perfect, and I am eating chips on occasion, but when I do I COUNT it, writing down every calorie and 4 out of 6 days a week I am under my calorie goal and the other two days I’m just barely over by a hundred calories or so. I am walking several times a week for a few miles at least, making no excuses, trying different paths and enjoying different playlists. So WHY THE HELL isn’t the scale moving?? I don’t know what more I can do.
But be patient. But keep going. But get another fill and hope to fuck it does the trick this time.
Meanwhile, even though the scale is being an asshole, my body is different. Stronger. More flexible. I don’t realize it because I am too wrapped up with the lack of numeric progress to notice that I am leaner and faster.
Give tonight for example. My husband got us tickets to a minor-league baseball game complete with food and fireworks. After the game we were all invited to run the bases. My first instinct was to stand on the sideline and take a picture with my iPhone. That’s the role I normally play, no questions asked. And for some reason I thought, I wonder if I can run the bases now. No, probably not. But…maybe? Better to not even try. Okay I’m going to do it.
My family ran ahead of me, my son sprinted and left us in the dust with my husband coming in second. My laz-o first grader who’d rather sunbathe than lift a finger ran up ahead of me. I came in last.
But I ran, for the first time in years.
…Okay…I jogged…..slowly….but I made it around all the bases and was able to talk and breathe afterwards. Even though I’m going to wake up in the morning and feel like shit because I won’t have lost any weight, I’m telling myself that this experience cancels that out. That maybe the fitness experts know something I don’t after all and that there is more than one way to measure body success. Or maybe I just need to keep running.
So here is my Walk-To-Run plan which I found on Pinterest….
Wish me luck.