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Monday, August 12

Wax and Wane

Two weeks left of summer, where did it go??
Just like the moon waxes and wanes, so do the seasons, and before we know it fall will be here. It was an interesting summer, that’s for sure, we did much more than we ever have, even though the weather wasn’t very summer-like most of the time.

And me?  My weight continues to wax and wane as well, like a pendulum it swings back and forth between a few pounds seldom settling down and committing. And then I ask myself, am I still committed? Like I was when this all started 5 months ago?

I catch myself forgetting that I am not on a  normal diet plan. I am on a banded lifestyle and that is not the same thing. I am still getting adjustments to find my sweet spot, so it’s not entirely my fault that I have hit a brick wall, but I find myself reverting to my old patterns of dieting. Work hard all week loosing 2-4 pounds….party hard all weekend gaining 2-4 pounds. But banded life isn’t supposed to work that way. It’s supposed to be consistent which means that regardless of the day, holiday, occasion, or festivity I am supposed to only be able to eat THE SAME AMOUNT. I am not supposed to have to count calories because every day my band should regulate what goes in. But I’m not there yet.

And why should I be disappointed in my stalled progress? I knew that I wasn’t a good dieter or I wouldn’t have gotten the goddamned band. I knew by reading and researching and talking to people in my communities that until you have the right fill you have to diet or you don’t lose. That the big fa├žade is that the band is the easy way out when you still have to do all the work yourself especially in the beginning.

To keep you from having complications, they fill you tiny amounts over the course of many weeks, and I know that I will get there, that this is all still so new, the my wavering emotions are a product of my wavering weight-loss.

Patience is a virtue. STFU Ben Franklin.

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