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Saturday, February 1

Snow Daze

This weather is totally cramping my style. Maybe because I was a spring baby that was born with the promise of regrowth and sunshine, but Winter is by far my least favorite season. I’m sure shedding my former layers of blubber has something to do with it also, but I’m always cold to the goddamned bone. Nights under the snuggie in a full sweat suit and socks, and I’m freezing. Bra, Dago-T (or multiple), t-shirt, and Under Armour hoodie and I still could stab someone with my twins.
And then today, after a night of drunken debauchery with the girls, I am looking forward to sweating my ass of in Zumba and I literally can’t get there because our culdi-sac is snowed in and first I would have to shovel for an hour. And I can’t get the Captain out of bed to help me move cars and yes I know many Moms live on their own but if you have a two-hundred-plus resource up in bed snoring you might as well use it. Sadly, looks like this became a self-proclaimed lazy day and I sit here typing a blog post instead of doing shit.
I was also really looking forward to class because as I have stated many times now it is one of the few non-medicinal mind erases that exists for me and I had quite the week once again. Two more days of non-attendance at school (boo!!), my surgical appointment and fill, my summative evaluation (double-boo!!), family anxiety, and some other indisclosable crap. Ended all this with a night out with my friendly neighborhood “First Wives Club.” Yes, a group of friends that are all recently going through horrible and reality-TV worthy divorces. I’m the token “married girl” but hey Ladies Night Out is few and far between these days so when you are invited you go. After many laughs and liquor masked by frozen goodness the week was finally over.
The highlight of my week was my fill appointment. I’ve not only got my weight in check, but the surgeon is almost baffled by my success. I have now lost 70% of my excess weight in less than a year, which is already way past the statistical norm for Lap-Band Surgery. Instead of asking me if I have been exercising, they ask me how much I’m doing since clearly I’m doing something. I’m just doing what you told me to do! Nothing more, nothing less! My surgeon’s just-one-of-the-guys bedside manner has him telling me in a game show voice, “and THAT’S how you become the best Lap-Band patient EVER!” Then he shoots me in the stomach with a half cc of fluid because I admit to him that I ate a Big Mac on New Year’s Eve and that’s just immoral.
Even with this success, this winter is proving to be one of the crappiest ever. Four snow days and now we are in school clear to the middle of June. You know I love teaching, but sometimes the politics and bullshit is just overwhelming and the thought of four extra days when I should already be laying at our neighborhood pool getting paid to get tan is almost unbearable. Non-teachers are telling me to quit whining but to them I say (I’m a broken record here) I chose my career and you chose yours.

Snow, you are pretty, I know I am an adult and choose to live in Chicago, which is the best city EVER (in my surgeon’s voice), but I need to wear a down coat 24/7 now to make up for the 70+ lbs of lard I once carried. Thank you and don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.

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