God you are hilarious. No really, hilarious!
It’s day 365 that I have had my band. I just posted that I wanted to lose a few more before my one year but that would take practically starving myself. I was about to give up on that dream. Until last night.
Yep, the “bug” got me. It got me good too. My bowels feel about like they have been prepared for a colonoscopy. I haven’t eaten anything in 24 hours on top of that. I have sipped Vitamin water, but that’s about it. I take that back…I also ate two tums, a few hours apart, in little pieces.
Because something else happened too I need to tell you about. If you are squeamish, stop reading now.
During the incident by which I was removing the toxins from my body, I got a scary case of what I can only call the Lap-Band dry heaves. It was terrifying and traumatic, even for me that can stay pretty calm in those situations. We all have had the heaves before, lets me honest, but this was just…different? It was like I thought something was coming up, but it didn’t, and then the most horrifying sound escaped my lips instead. A sound I have never heard before, a cross between an elephant and a hyena in heat. But that’s all that came out so I was shaking and crying of course too….thinking ONE thing….what the fuck was that? And is my band okay? And can I ever throw up like a normal person again?
I figured that if my band wasn’t okay, I would have a terrible pain somewhere, if not in my abdomen, then in my shoulder where I get my stuck pain. But nothing. Just me in the dark quiet. Why am I telling you this? Because I promised us both that I would. Because the last thing on earth I want you to think is that it’s all wine and roses on my end when you see my perfectly positioned selfies on FB.