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Tuesday, March 25

Kale Fail

The best part about getting together with friends of course is the laughs. We all have so  many groups that we are a part of….work friends, school friends, neighborhood friends, family friends, and if you ever have weight loss surgery you will have WLS friends too.

My Lap band friends talk every day in our Facebook group and once a month we get together at the hospital for our support group. It is not solemn and serious. It’s not about shame or grieving either, it’s about people who love to laugh and fucking eat.  What happens in our group of course is confidential, we all want to be able to share our stories without worry of them being spread around, and I’m always surprised at the number of people who still keep their surgeries a secret, but what really goes down at a weight loss support group??

We talk about foods we love. About tacos and popcorn. About missing beer and wine and coffee. We talk about what to do when you are starving and on the road. What protein drinks are the best. What high protein snacks are the best. How oatmeal cups are outrageously expensive. And what to eat when you are goddamned starving and just don’t have the cals to expend.

I may or may not have asked if there is a support group on another night for skinny pop addicts. My nutritionist said she shakes her head at the amount of patients who admit to skinny pop for their daily snack. We are supposed to eat a rolled up piece of turkey or a diet string cheese instead but sometimes you just want that small salty and crunchy bite. Someone suggested edemame. And then a bit of Pinterest propaganda made it’s appearance in the conversation otherwise known as KALE CHIPS.

If you are foreign to this snack, which I don’t know how that is possible these days, you literally take dark greens and bake them to a crisp until they become “chips”.  What is this urban legend you speak of that goes by the name CHIPS and yet is good for you? It was time to find out.

Today I bought a large bunch of greens and tore them up into Dorito sized portions. I mixed them with a few tablespoons of EVOO and sprinkled some salt and pepper. Baked on a cookie sheet at 400 for 20 minutes and they were done.

I couldn’t take the smell every time I opened the Tupperware. Don’t get me wrong, I am a greens eater the way they are meant to be eaten, sautéed with garlic as a side dish. But these were just….weird. Also, once the water vaporized out they were flaky as hell and there was no way I could dip them into any salsa or guac in which case the verdict was: FAIL. More like a huge ass piece of dried oregano in your teeth.

Go home people who swear by kale chips, you are drunk.

1 comment:

  1. I wish we had support group more than once a month!! I had such a good time last week :)

    And I am cracking up over the kale chips thing still!!!