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Thursday, March 13

Time Machine

I need a time machine. If I could have one wish, with the outcome of my husband and kids being the same….I would want to go back and do it all one more time. Set the timer to NCC Fort Hill dorm, week of Thanksgiving 1998 to that very first kiss and relive the past 15 years again. Because time is going way to fast. Every day someone posts that kids grow up too fast, but isn’t it all of us that grow up too fast? Our same mind ever traveling in an aging body? A body where every scar and stretch mark and wrinkle triggers a memory of days past, good and bad.

I mean, I can’t complain really. If you would have asked me back then on that day where I would be when I turned 36-years-old (and I just threw up in my mouth typing that number) I would have said in a good marriage, two kids, house in the suburbs, working as a teacher. Check, check, check, check. So instead of feeling accomplished why do I feel kinda sad? Because I owe too much money? Because my body has been stretched and deflated like a balloon one too many times? Because yes I am in much better control of both my emotional and weight problems but also both are being supervised medically and I have to literally choke when I eat something I shouldn’t and get rid of it to maintain a healthy weight? No, I would never have predicted that.

I’m not that 20-year-old girl anymore even though that’s how I still feel on the inside. I am here. And well, if this is what 36 looks like for me, I’ll take it.

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