Super Inspired Writer

My photo
Look SUPER. Feel SUPER. Choose SUPER. Be SUPER.

Tuesday, April 15

Final Fill??

One of the best parts of having contracted “sick days” is the language thereof. Today I had the whole day off for an appointment that was scheduled for 2:30. What did I do in my free time? Went to the gym of course, and tried to burn off the Tostitos and cheese dip I ate the night before.  These mini “last suppers” happen before a fill because as each one changes your tolerance levels just a bit, you never know what will go down easy anymore. Also after a fill there is a dip in weight loss because of the liquid diet requirement, so having a little indulgence is okay.

The whole past week I have been trying to decide if I was going to get an adjustment today at my appointment. I have pretty decent restriction at this point, I’m eating my normal diet foods, I’m getting full after a serving, I’m making good choices. But….there was that slice of Sbarro pizza over spring break. And also the aforementioned fish sandwich from McD’s a week ago….so….I decided yes I did want a fill. Also, my next appointment falls right before Disney and I didn’t want to be filled right before in case the numbers were off. At least if I were too full this time, I would have time to get loosened if I needed to.

Double-wide Bariatric Chair
When I got into the Bariatric center, they were of course very happy with my progress. I was down 8 lbs. since my last appointment in January to make an even 80. Although I had documented this already at home, I wanted to make this milestone there as well for verification. During my nutritional consultation, we didn’t talk so much about diet anymore. I know the rules and routine. Instead I shared my overall fear of overeating with them. To tell you the truth they were a bit surprised I wanted a fill since I was doing so well and maintaining my daily calorie allowance. But I insisted, the ghost of filet-o-fish past haunting me.

Fill 'er up!!
They reminded me that the point wasn’t to be so full of saline that I couldn’t eat a nice meal once in a while. That if my weight loss was good I might be filled enough. And that’s when I also confessed my transfer eating disorder to them. Instead of being an over eater, I now have food anxiety. There are worse things than a 400-calorie burger, but even so I punish myself to liquids the next day.  Or worse yet, I graze on bites of junk food for a few hours then punish myself with no supper. The nutritionist suggested it might be time to go back in to see a psych. That my food aversions, although very normal, shouldn’t get in the way from eating in general. I am so very afraid to gain weight back that all logic and reason is lost.


The surgeon did give me the fill. Another ½ cc puts me at a total of 4. Said he was jealous I had only 9 weeks left of school since he would like to hike and bike ride through the mountains all summer.  What a lovely thought….

2 comments:

  1. I respect your honesty to the professionals. So many of us hide so much from the professionals and then we complain that they don't help us or fix us. lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well done on your 80 pound loss?

    What size band do you have? I'm curious to know, as it seems you've got a perfect fill level.

    (Stupid Wordpress is signing me in as Paris Chronicles, but this is thelapbandchronicles, or Parisshel from LBT.)

    ReplyDelete