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Monday, June 30

Drive

Something has been bugging the shit out of me and I finally decided to do something about it. You know I believe as much as anyone that your before pics are super important, they remind you where you have been, and motivate you to keep going forward. But every time someone asked me to see my ID…I would cringe. The pic wasn’t me anymore. And I could see the looks that were trying to ask but not ask. I decided that before our summer vaca I wanted a new license, so that just in case I got carded it would just be me. Opening my wallet time and again to see that horrid reality of the past made my stomach hurt.

So I got my greys touched up, blew my hair out and pulled out the once a year CHI hair straightener and off to the DMV I went.

What an ordeal.

First of all I neglected to pay attention to the fact that it was the last day of the month of June and therefore there were no less than 20 people in line for license plate stickers. Luckily, I was there for a Driver’s license  pic so I got to cut into the short line. I thought I was going to be totally sly when I left my old license at home so I could save it for posterity with my other fat memories…I was going to just say I lost it. But the only one fooled ended up being me because I didn’t have the required documentation for the new license! Don’t know about you but I don’t drive around with my sosh card OR my passport so I was shit out of luck. Dragging both kids with me, we went allllll the way home and alllll the way back. I wasn’t about to give up. I had done my hair, damnit!

Take 2… the line was much longer, but again I got to cut. When it was my turn the lady at the counter looked at me like I had three heads when I said I needed a new license because I had lost 85 lbs.
“This license says 143….are you saying you need that updated?” she looked at me skeptically.
“No,  what I want is a new picture. That is an old weight entry which I have never weighed ever by the way.”
“So you just want a new picture? You can’t just get a new picture. That’s a big deal here…I’m going to have to ask my supervisor.” Go right ahead lady. I’m on a mission.
So…I waited and waited while the kids played on my iPhone and finally the DMV manager said it was okay. She had to sign in a separate log for overrides because there was no legit reason I needed a new card.
“So what do you weigh right now? I have to enter a new weight since that is your reason in the system.”
I thought long and hard and said with confidence “160” ahh….my wedding day weight, such a beautiful memory.
“Fine” she says and punches it in…”One-Six-Zero. Oh, and good job.”
After my pic was taken we were on our way. And here is the finished product. ---> 


Maybe it’s silly that I still worry about such nonsense. But I worked hard and this is who I am now and I don’t want the daily reminders of the person who is long gone. The mistakes I have made in the past when I was a serial yo-yo dieter is that I would hang on to just a teeny-tiny part of the past, enough not to scar me permanently and eventually I would slip back.

Well this time I am scarred. Both emotionally and literally. No going back. And no hideous fat lady lurking in my wallet any more. 

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