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Sunday, July 27

Expectations

I’m feeling very philosophical this week, and that may or may not be for any reason, and that reason is neither here nor there, but I am thinking about my wedding day and how it was the one single day in my whole life that I felt absolutely beautiful. As the big 12 approaches next weekend, I am thinking that if I could just go back in time, before I ruined my body with life, I would take better care of myself from day one. I would make sure that down the road there would be no need to undo any damage.

I would be happy with myself and not critical.

I would eat to live and not live to eat.

I would start jogging in my then twenty-something body and not wait until my mid-thirties.

I would be healthier through my pregnancies.

I wouldn’t waste money and carbs on fast-food and restaurants.

But all of this is retrospective because unless you drag your feet through some mud you can’t look back and realize how lucky you were.

12 years later my body has been to hell and back, a few times over, and all I want more than anything on this God green earth is to have that moment back, that body back, so that I could cherish it and not treat it like trash.

Modern interventions help with that, but it would have been nice to not get out of control in the first place. To never have gotten to the point where I needed weight-loss surgery.

But maybe no matter what I would have done that would have still happened because this is my path and I believe in faith. I believe that I was brought to this journey for all the friends I have made along the way, for the way I educate those in my support group, the way I now see the world and what is.


And I wouldn’t change a thing.

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