We all have baggage to shed. For some of us it’s emotional turmoil from long ago, or fair-weather friends, or fair-weather enemies. For me, my body has always been an enemy to me. I started this blog so that I could document all of my feelings, the good, the bad the ugly. And here I am now writing for this blog for TWO years this month. Even though I have been dedicated to the changes, I couldn’t have predicted things to be where they are. Statistically, I should be struggling more, or relapsing more. My surgeon made it clear that because I chose the least invasive surgery, I would have the least successful odds. But that’s all they are ODDS. And I am beating them.
I am beating the physical baggage, but my head is still all over the place. That is the one thing that science has yet to be able to change, and that is your thinking.
I wore my two-piece bathing suit to our neighbor hood pool this past week and of course since it was a gorgeous day, everyone in creation that I knew were there. The whole time I’m thinking, they are looking at my belly, my belly is out in the open for the world to see. And I have a tattoo so certainly it draws attention to my mid-section.
I was asked by another mom friend if I felt “confident.” She is thinking of wearing a two piece on her next vacation and is worried she’ll be self conscious. Of course I said go for it. It’s a step toward accepting yourself for who you are. Even if you don’t quite yet. Or ever will.
I pulled the short straw in the body raffle.
But everything in life is choices. You can choose to carry the bags you have been given, or trade them in for smaller, lighter bags. Or you can chose to hide them away. But unfortunately I don’t believe for a damn that they will ever be gone forever. You are always left with a scar of some sort to remind you where you have been. For me it’s several scars that I see every day. But a decade of body baggage is gone. Out of sight but not out of mind.