It’s been one hell of a week.
But just as with everything, with all ups come downs and with all lows come highs.
My body is pushed to it’s limit with changes. My mind is pushed to it’s limits of reality. The only realities that I have known are being challenged.
The week ended with finding out that I am getting my job back. Well…..a version of my job….changed schedule and changed hours, so my job but not my job. Just like my whole self at this point, I’m me, but not me anymore. A version of me. A new, crazy, different version of me. I will still be teaching music to Kindergarteners, which I fricken LOVE….but my routine will be totally new. And I am excited because I think it will be very positive for me, a fresh new start while still living my passion. My career continues to be reinvented.
So now that my job is in check (read: 12 more months of getting paychecks…holla!), I will have to find clothes to wear for work because my summer wardrobe of Under Armour shorts and ribbed tank tops aint gonna fly. I’m a little anxious because as my body has changed over the summer in many ways, I don’t even really know what size I wear anymore, I haven’t worn button-zip pants in weeks. As much as this will be a fun adventure, it will take time to find my groove again. A time of trial and error. My body continues to be reinvented.
And I have spent a significant amount of time at home, which means my hobby of internet shopping is in full effect. I found a gorgeous black and white Kenneth Cole dress to wear at my Daughter’s communion in May and it’s a silhouette I am not used to wearing. The panic in me is saying that in 9 months I might regret the purchase if it doesn’t work and send me into an emotional downward spiral. But the reality is that it will work because this is my new figure and I have to believe in it when I see it. My mind continues to be reinvented.
I need to be treated for mind-body-and-soul dismorphia but is that news to anyone??