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Monday, October 27

Balls to the Wall

This post is about balls.

I haven’t written a comedy piece in a while, because things have been so stagnant, but this weekend provided the best material ever for writing a blog post so here goes and I hope you laugh as hard as we did.

This weekend my first born baby….my husband…turned 35 years old. You know I’m a big husband spoiler, between the massage nights and heart shaped pizzas even I sometimes run out of fun ideas. The idea came loud and clear when my son’s soccer coach for his travel team announced that he was opening a new business and that business was balls. Soccer bubble balls. Luckily, the place was going to be open by the big birthday weekend so I seized the day and rented us a ball party.

If you are confused when I say balls, I mean LITERAL balls. Big ass, plastic, blown up balls that you and your friends climb into and then commence a soccer game. Personally, I refused to get on all fours and climb into the slender tube within the ball which was too close to home as being a birthing canal for me, so I used my newfound strength and lifted that ball up over my head and put it on like a hoodie.


Some balls were tight. Some balls were loose. Some balls smelled better than others and some were more slippery inside. Keep those thoughts clean, folks!

Everyone agreed that the blue balls were the best balls, irony lost on no one.

While in the balls we played several games. The event started with as traditional a soccer game as you can imagine, 4 on 4. Me and BW were captains and my team lost no fucking surprise to anyone. There was as much strategy in getting the little ball and kicking it in the goal as there was to finding a big ball filled with a human and knocking it down before it could score.

Once you were bounced to the ground in said ball, the real dilemma was how to get back on your feet again. You had to roll onto your knees and get yourself up. As a woman, and also a busy mom, I am very proficient in having to stand up from the floor with my hands full and therefore was able to get up decently easily without use of my arms. Still it was ass in the air, but good clean fun. Check it out if you are up to something very fun and different that get’s your body moving and blood pumping. A full body workout for sure!! I would never in a million years imagined that I would be running and playing soccer so regularly at all let alone in a ball!!


If you have ever thought about playing in balls, I highly recommend it. As toddlers we play in ball pits, on Wipe Out they jump on big balls, and here in Chicago we can play in the ball itself.   


I like big balls and I cannot lie.


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