Saturday I started a diet. Okay, I’ve been on a diet for two years but as you know I recently underwent a small gain and that shit needs to be stopped in it’s tracks before the holidays come and I am drowning in a sea of my own cinnamon sugar tears. I took a hard look at what I have been doing and there is no denying that I will never be someone who can just relax and live and maintain my weight I knew this already, I’ve known it for my whole life.
The first aha moment as I analyze this kink in the hose is that I have reached my own personal “point of no return.” I know we have all heard this cliché many times but has anyone really stopped to think about what it means? The phrase started with German military teams and refers to that point when you are swimming under caves, without the aid of scuba gear, when you have a choice to make. You get to a point where you will either have enough breath left to double back and make it out, or enough to continue and hope you make it through. That’s where I’m at now. I have lost weight so many times in my life I have lost count, but then I get to this point, and for some reason unbeknownst to me I double back instead of swimming on. Today I chose to swim. No going back, I’ve come too far.
So I am starting with the basics. I scheduled a fill for three weeks sooner than I had planned on checking in. I haven’t gotten an adjustment since March and even though I constantly am on the fence as if I need one at all or just need to be eating right, I think it’s time to give it a tweak. Last time I went in I had gained two pounds and if I went in today that would be two to three more. I can’t be ashamed and avoid the obvious, I need to go in and own up to it and let them help me. Let my band help me.
I also stocked up on my protein shakes and doing a mirror of what my pre-op diet looked like. Two shakes and one healthy meal. If not a shake then something of the same calories/nutrition. Two days and I’m already feeling better. I am going to hope and pray that I can stick with it until Thanksgiving when I will take a day off and enjoy my family and food. People are not fat because of Thanksgiving after all, they are fat because of their daily choices.
Another huge problem in this equation is me not taking time for myself to exercise. I wish I had a good excuse, like the famous line about not having time. But we all know this is not true and the oldest excuse in the book. We all can make time. We chose not to. I have a gym membership with classes and availability that I can work with. It has a kids room that I used to dump my brood into several times a week. I used to go rain or shine, light or dark. I have no choice in this matter, it’s an essential part of my success.
So tonight I’m trying a yoga class for the first time. I’m hoping it helps me with two things. Obviously my body will benefit from the stretching and muscle work, but also hopefully it fulfills me emotionally just like everyone raves it to do. Teaches me to breath and reflect. To just be.
My hope is that by
writing typing this down it will
manifest. That I will be accountable to my readers. Accountable to myself.
Be calm and swim on.