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Tuesday, January 27

Take Control

There are some things we have control over, and some things we do not.
We all know this to be true and somehow we STILL agonize over what is coming down the road. We hope, we pray, we rub a rabbit’s foot for good luck, but at the end of the day it’s what us good Italian Catholics call “God’s Will”.

Love God, hate his will.

Because it means we have to TRUST, and give up what little control we have over the universe. And that just sucks.

This is one of the reasons I went through with my decision to have weight loss surgery two years ago. I couldn’t predict what would happen after. I couldn’t predict if I would have complications. Hell, to this day how do I know that contraption isn’t  wringing me like a nuse in there? But I knew that I wanted change and I had the chance to do something about it so I did it. I had control over changing my future, good or bad only time will tell, but at least it was all in my hands.

FYI, this is NOT me.
And it was scary, and took courage, and a gamble of sorts so I figured If I actually did have control, I had to actually act upon that control and go through with it. And I did.

I had a body fat analysis today. It's a machine kinda like a scale but with handles and somehow the powers within allow it to send an electrode or some shit all over your body and tell you the breakdown.

Drum roll please…

Nov. 2011
Nov. 2012

So there you go. I have no clue how the machine does that but somehow it does. And suddenly just your weight is once again only a small piece of the puzzle. Fat going down…muscle going up….water IS WHAT IT IS.

Now, as to the question of WHERE the fat is, those numbers were a little shady to me.  First of all my right leg used to be bigger than my left. My right leg was a whole half a pound larger (that’s TWO sticks of BUTTER!) . Now my left leg is a quarter pound bigger than my right…..(that’s right, I have a whole QuarterPounder from McD’s sitting on the left side of my lap)!

Oh, and to no one’s surprise the study revealed that I still carry the most weight in my “trunk.” That includes boobs and ass of course so looks like junk in my trunk also IS WHAT IT IS.

I don’t have control over my shape and size. I don’t have control over which goddamned leg is bigger than the other. But I can control my weight, and I will, because control over something is still a hell of a lot better than control over nothing.

Tuesday, January 20

Back from the Dead

I cannot believe that we are already almost at the end of week 3 of January. So much has happened and yet we haven’t even scratched the surface of 2015.

I keep going to the gym for my running challenge (which as you know is half power walking and half jogging) and I am short ONE mile from the goal I set for week three which was 30.  I already told you week one I only logged 6 because I had some female issues…and if you can’t blame your female issues what can you blame? Sunday I had a weird cramp in my abdomen and I still went and just walked the whole time, but after two miles I literally couldn’t take any more…so that explains my mile I missed. I can make it up, I have no choice if I’m going to do this.

As far as the scale goes, it’s still the bane of my existence, but it is just starting to waver a little in my favor. I don’t want to jinx myself…but maybe….just maybe….the dieting and exercise is starting to work.

I have an appointment with my surgeon next Tuesday and I am going to ask for a fill. I have been on the fence for a few months, and I was supposed to go in December and pushed it back, but I am going in….no excuses…and I’m getting a fill. At this point I think that a little more restriction will be huge in helping me keep the momentum…I can still eat too much in one sitting, and still eat things that most band patients can’t tolerate after a while.  I hate to admit it but…I need that? I need to HAVE to take off the bun from a burger instead of being able to get it down and having to CHOSE to not eat the bun. Make sense? Worse case I’ll just get some saline taken out if I’m too tight, and that my friends is the most fabulous part of having a Lap-Band.

Ice Ice Baby!
But most importantly, what I can’t wait to tell you, is that this weekend a friend of mine had a birthday party at an ice-skating rink and I fricken skated. Did you hear that??…..I FRICKEN SKATED. As in….ON ICE SKATES.

I was thinking (with my hands stretched out to keep my balance) that I have literally come back from the dead. But not like that kid in the news that faked his Heaven story. Like truly came back from the dead! I went from a Mom that didn’t want to wear a bathing suit and swim with my kids, that couldn’t ride a bike or run after my dog….to  a mom who ice skates, a mom who runs 5Ks, a mom who plays soccer, a mom who is called upon to participate in Staff vs Student sporting events (dodgeball game next week so stay tuned.)

I’m here and It’s not easy. Every day I have to count every calorie. I have to log every mile. I have to plan out what I am going to eat in social situations. I have to figure out where to get rid of the evidence if I get stuck on something I shouldn’t have eaten (Don’t worry kids that’s just mom coughing up dinner in the front seat). But I am alive and even with this huge undertaking, I am loving every minute of it.

Wednesday, January 14

Where is it??

So. Aggravated.

Week 2 and the scale didn’t fucking budge.

Where is it??

I’m talking about the fat that had me gain 10 lbs. Where is it?

I am the same size I have been for months, and I’m not just saying that to you while I secretly shoe-horn myself into my jeans.

As my poor, sweet Grandmother’s funeral took place this weekend, EVERY person that came to support us said I looked amazing! Wonderful! Unbelievable!! Instead of being flattered I was pissed off. First of all because I wasn’t there to show off my new bod, I was there to bury my Nonna. And secondly because I can’t see it, all I can see is the damn numbers on the scale. They are literally blinding me.

I understand basic physics for Christ’s sake…..WHERE IS IT?

I emailed my nutritionist and told her that when I come in for my appointment on Jan 27 I want to step on the body fat analysis machine. It’s been over a year since I was on there last. You stand on a scale looking thing that has handles like a bike and it measures your weight as well as somehow tells you what percentage of your body is water, muscle, bones, etc. It is also able to tell you where exactly the fat and muscle is distributed throughout your body. It’s pretty sci-fi if you ask me.

All I know is I need some answers. Stat.

Week two of the New Year is over and although I have now run 18 miles (applause, and thank you) I still feel shitty.

Something’s gotta give.

Wednesday, January 7

Snow Day

Welcome 2015. Right on cue, Mother Nature reared her ugly head and we were hit with extreme low temps the very day school started up. I know, I know, I choose to live in Chicago and the crazy weather is part of that….but it still sucks and everyone has a right to complain when they want.

January 1, I was all ready to start my 500-mile challenge at the gym, but remember that the miles have to be logged THERE either on the track or dreadmill, and so dark the con of man they were closed on the first day. In other words, a contest that was starting the first actually started the second. Well played, fitness center. I did my first three miles on Friday and then the weekend came and so did even more extreme cold and that little reminder every month that I’m not pregnant. Seriously, on day 3. And just so we are clear, I cannot be pregnant so this “reminder” is nothing more than a nuisance, and a derailment from exercise. Trust me when I tell you, I’m not a baby about these things but I also am not gonna be running commando (remember that bit of information I learned last year??). So I lost a few days. Set out my workout clothes before bed and went back on Tuesday before work for another 3 miles and now we are up to 6 total.

Week 1 = 6

I am already behind.


I have been watching my diet very closely since 1/1 so even though I am a scale whore and weigh myself a million times a day and never get an accurate measure, I am counting the starting weight as New Year’s Day and therefore tomorrow will be the number I can actually track. Since every cell in my body has been gorged with water retention for a week I don’t know what to expect.

Today was a snow day, which means me and the kids were home from school because it was deemed unsafe to be outside in the elements. I’m not one of those crazy people that go out all day when there is no school, so as we were shut-ins I had to do something so my ass would actually detach from the couch for a bit. I dug out and dusted off an old Billy Banks Tae Bo DVD that I had bought the last time I lost weight (or maybe the time before that?) and cleared out the living room and put my gym shoes on.

It was harder than I remembered.

I love how Billy talks to you through the TV. I love how he holds his hands up as if you are punching at them while doing kickbox aerobics. And I love how even at home you can work up a sweat. Not having a gym membership or not going to a gym isn’t an excuse to not exercise….but we already knew that, right?

So one week down, and one week closer to bikini weather, and I'm already a day late and a dollar short on my running challenge. Better luck this week.