Super Inspired Writer

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Saturday, February 21

Dog Whistle Willpower

So I have had a discussion with a few people now about willpower and how everyone seems to think I have a ton because I am able to stay under 1000 calories a day.
“Wow, you have great willpower!”
“Ugh, I WISH I had your willpower!”
“How can I get some willpower like you??”

Well, that’s an easy one. You find your nearest accredited bariatric surgeon and you make an appointment for a consultation. You then own up to all of your mistakes and transgressions over the course of your life and your lack of ability to either lose weight on your own, or maintain a healthy weight. You go to a million appointments, hook up a breathing machine in your room, get your anxiety meds refilled, join a gym, and you make sure your insurange is up to par. Oh, and get ready to buy a new wardrobe every three months…cha ching!!

Readers…meet my “willpower” : 

You read my blog, you know I have a band, but maybe you can’t really picture it and there is still a misconception that I have been somehow able to against all odds find the magic water fountain to weight maintenance. There is no magic. I couldn’t do it on my own so I found a way to do it with help. And that’s okay. I also couldn’t straighten my teeth on my own so I used an orthodontist and no one had anything controversial to say about that now did they?

My willpower is less about me being strong all the time and saying no to temptation and more about the “Pavlov’s Dog” effect. C’mon, you know the story. Dog hears the whistle, dog gets a treat. Dog hears the whistle, dog gets a treat. Dog hears the whistle…dog THINKS he’s getting a treat. He is now conditioned to perform a certain way. This study paved the way for many, many advances in classical conditioning and my Lap-band does just that.

You learn VERY QUICKLY, what you can’t eat.
You learn VERY QUICKLY, what will NOT GO DOWN.
I call that bump LOLA's BABY FOOT

And yes, your suspicions are correct, what can’t go down, must come UP.

Please don’t mistake having no choice but to eat less and eat right for having willpower. It is not that at all. It’s is a situation you no longer have control over and you either follow the rules or you look for a place to puke. Capice?

I am real, I have never lied to you. I was embarrassed when I had to cough up two cookies I scarfed down from treat day in the teacher’s lounge but luckily I was outside and luckily there was snow to kick over it and luckily no one was looking. It’s just part of my life.

So if you want to call that me having “willpower” then be my guest. I call it my dog whistle.

It’s still in no way, shape, or form an EASY WAY OUT in WEIGHTLOSS. My dog whistle doesn’t control what I chose with my own bare hands to place in my mouth and (attempt to) swallow. It doesn't make appointments for me to get shots in my belly to keep up my maintenance. It also doesn’t control me getting my fat ass to the gym to pound out 3-4 miles on the dreadmill. I do that myself, and it aint EASY.  But it’s worth it.

So there you go…I have been writing for over two years and I just thought it was time to clear up the story, make some scientific clarifications, and remind everyone why I am here and why I post this blog. People constantly message me privately wanting info and support and I keep that extremely confidential. But this is from me to you, free of charge, to file away in case you ever need it.

God speed.

Sunday, February 15

Love Yo Self

You know how the saying goes. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first. You may agree or disagree on this but I think what we all can learn from it is that WE are just as important to take care of and nurture as those around us.

It is always funny to me who complains on Facebook about Valentine’s Day being nothing more than a Hallmark Holiday. And it’s not only single, cat ladies.  I’m not saying it is or isn’t a product of marketing, but I will say that in today’s crazy life of working, schlepping kids around, doing this and that, etc., etc., it’s nice to have a day that loving each other is forced down your throat. And my favorite color is red so there’s that.

“But you should show love all the time!! Not just on Valentine’s Day!!” - Anonymous

I do. By giving up my free time to take my kids to their activities. For being on the clock for the kids 24/7 so my husband can work whenever he needs too. For the endless hours of making things for the PTA. But when do I remember to pick up some chocolates, or a gushy card, or just give extra kisses over the same old have-a-good-day-kisses I give every morning?

Yes, we should show love every day, just like we should praise Jesus every day and not just on Easter. Just like we should thank the military every day and not just on the Fourth of July. But that means you are being skeptical of Holidays in general and if that’s the case that’s your choice. But my choice is to deck the halls with all things seasonal and SPOIL my family ROTTEN when the calendar says to.

And I’m finally doing that for myself too. Yesterday I made it to the gym even though it was Valentine’s Day. I spent all of Friday night for my kids and their Holiday Dance. I had plans with my Husband on Saturday night for the big Date. That left me with one last person to show love and that was myself. So I did go to the gym. And then got a new dress and shoes at the mall. Just for ME. By ME.

I am more in love with life every day. This DOES NOT MEAN I am in love with my body…that is an enormous work in progress that might never come to fruition in my lifetime. It took me two years to be a slender size 10 and I am still “OBESE” by the BMI chart, which is a major buzz kill if I ever saw one. But I am in love with how I feel when I wake up. How it feels to breath air after a flight of stairs or a mile on the treadmill. I am in love with being able to order clothes off the Internet and they fit. I am in love with being able to participate in athletic activities with my friends. I am very in love with being able to bend this way and that, to stretch and push and pull and for my body to work with me and not against me.

I have loved my Husband since the 90’s. I have loved my kids since I first felt them in my belly. But now it’s time to finally fall hopelessly in love with myself and that might be the best love story of all.

Wednesday, February 11

LUCKY 6/66

Week 6:66 miles. Friday is the 13th. This can’t be good…

But what good are bad omens when we are doing so much to debunk them? Do you believe in being “unlucky” or is our fate really in our hands?

Who knows. I surely don’t.

What I do know is that this weekend is Valentine’s Day and I’m stoked. It is my favorite Holiday. Yes, it’s cheesy. Yes, it’s motivated by card companies that want you to spend money (hello, Hallmark, I’m talking to you). But I have always been a girl that loves romance, and all things hearts and flowers, and spoiling my loved ones with hugs, kisses and chocolates. So really, what’s the harm?

Love is a wonderful thing. To whom and for whomever you want.

Speaking of love, most of us are no strangers to EX-loves and mine appeared out of the great blue yonder at the gym yesterday. Here I am teasing the front desk about putting my pic on the wall when I get to my 500 miles (I swear I was just kidding) and when I turn around, who was not even ten feet behind me but my ex-boyfriend from high school. I looked at him for only half a second and of course recognized him right away. We didn’t make eye contact. I ran into the locker room.

When I came out I bee-lined to the treadmill, which thank fuck looks out the window to the parking lot, and just started booking it. I don’t even know if he was still in there, or where he was in there, or even if he saw me at all. The only thing I DID know is that I was certain as the sun happy I wasn’t fat anymore.

To be extremely clear, my husband is the air I breathe. If you know ME, you know THIS. The end.

BUT….that being said, I don’t think there is a person on God’s green earth with two X chromosomes that wants to be fat working out at the gym with an ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago. (Holy shit, I just typed 20).

The good news is that I killed 4 miles in under an hour, and the better news is I didn’t see him again at all in there.

So maybe, just maybe, I am lucky after all.

Wednesday, February 4


February? It’s no longer the first month of the year but already the second month of the year.

What the hell.  I don’t always want to pause time, but for some reason, this time I do.

First of all, since the cat is out of the bag now anyways, my entire position was terminated with the school. A position that effects SIX employees who are now going to be applying and fighting like hell for jobs by August. A position I had for five years. And that I loved.

Jesus take the wheel on that one, I have absolutely no control over what is coming down the road. I have worked my ass off. I can’t do anything more or less.

But I can run, and I have been running like hell. I am still averaging 3-4 miles each time I go, and I am running for much longer spurts and walking for shorter spurts, and when I do run I can even breath most of the time. But then I walk a few minutes to catch up on my Facebook, or texting on my phone, get a sip of water, and it’s back in the game. There is always something on the TV that I can follow to make the time go faster, like Family Feud, or Big Bang Theory. And just as the days come and go, the miles add up and I am now at 52. Goal #1. 

Today there was only one treadmill open when I got there and low and behold a super hot trainer that works there was jogging right next to me. I kicked it into high gear wanting to look as fit and strong as I could and less like the blob of fat I feel like.  Luckily he was only there for five minutes or I might have passed out from over-exertion. Then again, my husband said that if it were him, and it was a hot female trainer, he would have fallen on purpose so that they would have to help him up. Because that’s how we roll. No…we are not swingers and yes…many people ask us this for some reason.  

I’m trying to “run ahead” for those times when I’m snowed in or know I’ll be out of commission or gone for a few weeks. If I want to make the 500 I have to plan very carefully. But that is in my hands and no one else’s. I don’t need prayers, or voodoo, or vibes to finish it, I just need to DO IT. And I am.

Holy shit, I am.