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Saturday, February 21

Dog Whistle Willpower

So I have had a discussion with a few people now about willpower and how everyone seems to think I have a ton because I am able to stay under 1000 calories a day.
“Wow, you have great willpower!”
“Ugh, I WISH I had your willpower!”
“How can I get some willpower like you??”

Well, that’s an easy one. You find your nearest accredited bariatric surgeon and you make an appointment for a consultation. You then own up to all of your mistakes and transgressions over the course of your life and your lack of ability to either lose weight on your own, or maintain a healthy weight. You go to a million appointments, hook up a breathing machine in your room, get your anxiety meds refilled, join a gym, and you make sure your insurange is up to par. Oh, and get ready to buy a new wardrobe every three months…cha ching!!

Readers…meet my “willpower” : 

You read my blog, you know I have a band, but maybe you can’t really picture it and there is still a misconception that I have been somehow able to against all odds find the magic water fountain to weight maintenance. There is no magic. I couldn’t do it on my own so I found a way to do it with help. And that’s okay. I also couldn’t straighten my teeth on my own so I used an orthodontist and no one had anything controversial to say about that now did they?

My willpower is less about me being strong all the time and saying no to temptation and more about the “Pavlov’s Dog” effect. C’mon, you know the story. Dog hears the whistle, dog gets a treat. Dog hears the whistle, dog gets a treat. Dog hears the whistle…dog THINKS he’s getting a treat. He is now conditioned to perform a certain way. This study paved the way for many, many advances in classical conditioning and my Lap-band does just that.

You learn VERY QUICKLY, what you can’t eat.
You learn VERY QUICKLY, what will NOT GO DOWN.
I call that bump LOLA's BABY FOOT

And yes, your suspicions are correct, what can’t go down, must come UP.

Please don’t mistake having no choice but to eat less and eat right for having willpower. It is not that at all. It’s is a situation you no longer have control over and you either follow the rules or you look for a place to puke. Capice?

I am real, I have never lied to you. I was embarrassed when I had to cough up two cookies I scarfed down from treat day in the teacher’s lounge but luckily I was outside and luckily there was snow to kick over it and luckily no one was looking. It’s just part of my life.

So if you want to call that me having “willpower” then be my guest. I call it my dog whistle.

It’s still in no way, shape, or form an EASY WAY OUT in WEIGHTLOSS. My dog whistle doesn’t control what I chose with my own bare hands to place in my mouth and (attempt to) swallow. It doesn't make appointments for me to get shots in my belly to keep up my maintenance. It also doesn’t control me getting my fat ass to the gym to pound out 3-4 miles on the dreadmill. I do that myself, and it aint EASY.  But it’s worth it.

So there you go…I have been writing for over two years and I just thought it was time to clear up the story, make some scientific clarifications, and remind everyone why I am here and why I post this blog. People constantly message me privately wanting info and support and I keep that extremely confidential. But this is from me to you, free of charge, to file away in case you ever need it.

God speed.

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