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Monday, August 10

I'm baaaaack 2/2

Part 2 of 2:


Today I started my aforementioned new job in a new school district. This is now the third district I will have worked for so I’m totally hoping three times is a charm. So far so good, all of the back-to school jitters are settling a bit but I’m still overly self-conscious about certain things. First of all, I hate that having to choose a seat at a table thing. Luckily, they had nametags and seat assignments so I was spared the anxiety of where to sit. I ended up next to a new PE teacher in one of my buildings so that was cool.

But what I was most worried about of course was what I was going to wear on my first day. Just like an adolescent going to their first day of Jr. High you want to blend in yet stand out at the same time. I decided on a black and white short jumpsuit I had gotten over the summer at a discount store, woke up early to curl my hair, when that got annoying after five minutes I twisted it up into a hair claw and I was ready to go.

R U Kidding Me??
When I got to the meeting I remembered something, EVERYONE is new. Everyone is in the same boat, not knowing where the best copier is, or where the closest bathroom is to your classroom. It ended up being okay until my carefully chosen outfit backfired on me and me and my table mates realized I matched the Composition notebook everyone was given as a reflection journal. Come on now, I can’t make this shit up.

Even still, day 1 and baby step 1 is done and that’s always the hard part. What’s easy is that I have been offered a completely fresh new start at life. NO ONE knows me there, they don’t know what I have gone through professionally, and no one knows I had weight loss surgery two and a half years ago either. READ: no one knows about my fat days. They all think this is just me, and that is a very bittersweet feeling. As much as I love being a spokesperson for the Lap-band, and as much as I love writing my blog and talking to the numerous people who message me privately with questions…there is a certain animosity that I am excited about. The crazy notion that in this new world, the crazy depressed fat girl never existed.

I am not gonna lie, I love my new body just as a mother loves her newborn baby. I feel good about myself and I love all the new clothes I had been dying to wear. I wore a bikini all summer (well, a skirted one because I still hate my thighs and they are going to the grave with me) and I wore a two-piece dress for my anniversary for crying out loud.  This was the me I was craving to be…desperate to be.

And I guess that’s another lessoned leaned and something that others considering weight loss surgery should go over. The more desperate you are for the new you the better success you will have in my opinion. You have to want that new body like a med student wants to be a doctor or a little girl wants to be a princess. For me a new body meant a new life, and a new life I have indeed in every sense of the word this fall.
And finally who I see in the mirror matches who I see in my head. And who my new friends will meet is thankfully the me I want to be.

3 comments:

  1. I, too, started a new job a few years after my WLS. It's nice not having everyone know, but I've still told plenty of people. There is a kind of freedom in knowing that most people just see you as you are and not how you were.

    I think it's normal to be a bit conflicted. I sometimes feel as if that fat person I once was didn't exist, but it was me all along. For me, the worst time is when people around me say something nasty about an overweight person. I never can keep my big mouth shut in those situations.

    Good luck in your new job!

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    1. I totally agree...I won't lie if someone asks how I lost 90 lbs but the thing is no one will because no one knows they just know the me now. I also agree that I am extra sympathetic to anyone who is on a weight loss journey because after all I am still fighting obesity myself forever.

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  2. Sounds like a great first day! I like the idea of starting over somewhere new where you have the opportunity to define yourself to be whoever you want to be. I would just like to add one point...no one's weight should define them. It's not always possible but I think we can start re-imagining ourselves even without making a big change. At least I hope I can. :)

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