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Sunday, September 18

Control Yourself


Like Janet Jackson, I want to be the one in control.
Sometimes it really does take a good kick in the shin for you to get your shit together. For me it was losing the buyer on our house that has been for sale since the first of the year. I was just sitting down to write a blog post and tell everyone what I was up to….how I was about to start a “Pouch Test Diet” (more on that later), when my husband came home to say the deal fell through. We were supposed to have moved next week 9/23 and now are not. The End. Because of the decisions of someone ELSE, my plan to move to a bigger house and get the kids situated this fall was not happening. I was devastated, I cried, I screamed.  This was not the first time and won’t be the last time that I was reminded there are some things we just CANNOT CONTROL under any circumstances, they are left to good or bad luck, God’s plan, karma, or for no reason at all…however you chose to look at it. No matter what we do or don’t, how hard we pray, what other ju-ju we try…..somethings are just what they are, and that’s a hard lesson to learn.
I have always been able to research, study, practice, reach out, contact people, and use my skill set to get outcomes that I want. Shows I wanted to be in, jobs I’ve had, schooling and degrees I wanted, summer reading agenda, running a 5K, reaching my weight loss goals, etc etc. Once again I realized that this time nothing I did was going to help and I started falling into a depression. Everything just felt shitty.

People will then continuously remind you how THIS is not a REAL “PROBLEM”. Well, no kidding.

Doesn’t make it feel any better. Still don’t feel like skipping around just happy to be alive. We are wired to feel the good the bad and the ugly and I am someone who feels super deeply about everything. It’s who I am. My husband gets it, he knows when to tell me to calm the fuck down, and when to let me take an hour long shower because I am sobbing in there privately. Others are trying to help by reminding you that your life is blessed and this is just another blemish on your face. I know that advice is coming from a good place…but there are only so many times you can be told something bigger and better is on its way before you want to throat punch somebody.
I really had zero choice here but to put on my big girl panties and move on.

Cauliflower Fried "Rice"
But there was the other elephant in the room that was adding to my feelings of being inept. The elephant that was getting bigger and bigger (literally) while everything else was getting tended to. I had promised myself that this school year I was going to lose the 30 lbs I gained last school year. This is something that is 100% in my control. One of the only things any of us can control in fact because only we can decide what and how much we eat and how much to exercise. I started on the first day of school with a “5 Day Pouch Test Diet” that I got on my online "LapBand Divas" support group. Basically you are retraining your pouch (the new stomach that is made from the band or the sleeve surgeries) to do what it’s supposed to do. Days one and two are liquid only, day three is mashed food, day four is finely chopped food, and day five is back to regular diet.  You know, that diet I have only "kinda" been following.

Cauliflower Pizza Crust
I put my extra energy  every day into my body instead of my house worries. I started looking up recipes again instead of statistics on Zillow. I started cooking and planning meals again. I went back to the basics of good, healthy eating and tried some new cauliflower concoctions I found on Pinterst.  I started reaching out to support group members again. I went to Zumba again and started walking again. After all my momwork, housework, and schoolwork was finished it was my bodywork time. Me time.

Month 1 and I have lost my first 10 lbs!!!! I am working hard at it, I am not cheating, I am eating clean and little by little I am doing it.  Because I am all I got for this outcome, it’s all on me and no one else.

I am in control.

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